


i need you here with me (the tremors in my body make it hard to speak)

by xslytherclawx



Series: you took my soul and wiped it clean, our love was made for movie screens [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Muggle, Bisexual Male Character, Gay Male Character, LGBTQ Jewish Character(s), M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-11
Updated: 2018-10-11
Packaged: 2019-07-28 20:03:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16248875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xslytherclawx/pseuds/xslytherclawx
Summary: It's not the first time Regulus has gone on holiday with his friends – not even their first time in Tel Aviv – but this time promises to be different.-(modern / muggle au)





	i need you here with me (the tremors in my body make it hard to speak)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Thestias](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thestias/gifts).



> back at it again with a new AU. featuring. more of the same characters. (and hey, look, something explicitly gay for national coming out day!)  
> don't know how much I'll actually post in this series, but I'm liking it a lot so far.  
> title from the two tongues song "tremors"
> 
> * * *
> 
> i don't expect anyone to be interested in my OCs, but they also appear in my ravenclaw au series _ô saisons, ô châteaux_ if you would like to see more of them
> 
> * * *
> 
> thestias asked to use my OCs in her remus/lily au (and specifically requested regulus/max), and i started thinking about how they could actually get together in a modern muggle AU - this was the result!  
> best viewed with the work skin on! it doesn't affect most of the fic, but there is a surprise at the end that'll look weird without it

“I bloody  _ love _ Tel Aviv,” Isaac said, throwing himself down on Regulus’s bed – which was, of course, empty.

It wasn’t Regulus’s fault he’d fallen asleep in Max’s bed. They’d marathoned Doctor Who, and Max hadn’t woken him when he’d started to nod off. So it was Max’s fault, really.

That didn’t stop the look that Isaac gave him when he sat up.

“Are you just now getting in?” Max asked.

“Same clothes,” Regulus said. For someone who was usually at home in a hoodie and jeans, he did have to hand it to Isaac – he did pick decent clubbing clothes. Regulus always felt overdressed in a club, and Max – well, Max was  _ Max_.

Isaac rolled his eyes. “Someone’s jealous.”

They’d all gone to the club together, but Regulus and Max had left around midnight – when the night was just getting started. Regulus didn’t much like clubs, and while Max’s Hebrew was much better than Regulus’s (read: he knew  _ some _ Hebrew beyond Shira’s typical terms of endearment and curses), it still wasn’t proficient enough to feel confident once Isaac had wandered off.

And so Doctor Who it had been.

“As long as you’re being safe, I really don’t care,” Max said. “And I don’t think Reg cares as long as you never shag his brother again.”

“Once was more than enough,” Regulus agreed. “He tried to give me  _ details_.”

Max laughed at that, and god, Max’s laugh was the most beautiful sound in the world. He knew, really, that he was hopelessly head over heels in love with his best friend, but he’d always been far too anxious to make a move. He didn’t see that changing anytime soon.

“Well, if you’re curious, you can always try for yourself,” Isaac said.

Max frowned. “Isaac…”

“What?” Isaac asked. “I’m perfectly capable of keeping feelings out of it, and if the  _ Evan Rosier fiasco _ is anything to go by, so is Reg.”

“You learn to compartmentalise when your parents are Walburga and Orion Black,” Regulus said. “I’m not sure that’s  _ healthy _ by any means, but I’m also not interested in shagging someone my brother’s already shagged.”

“Been shagged by, thanks,” Isaac said. 

Max rolled his eyes. “Typical top.”

“You’ve never even had  _ sex,” _ Isaac said. “What’re you going to do if you end up being a top, too?”

Max snorted at that, and so did Regulus. Even in his wildest fantasies (that he’d never tell Max about because it felt like a violation of their very friendship), he’d never been able to imagine Max as a  _ top_.

“Okay, or a vers,” Isaac said.

“I don’t think that’s very likely,” Max said.

“I’m sure Reg would love to be the one to test that theory,” Isaac said.

And he wasn’t wrong. “Isaac, shove off,” Regulus said rather than address it. He made a point not to look at Max’s reaction.

“You two are practically dating, anyway,” Isaac said. “We’ve got a betting pool on how long it’ll take you.”

“Who’s  _ we_?” Max asked.

“Isaac, are you  _ still _ drunk?”

“Yes, and it’s… me, Sirius, Emmeline, Remus, Lily, Dirk, and… Dorcas. And I think – I  _ think _ Evan Rosier put some in for  _ never_, but I’m not sure how to quantify that. But Dorcas, Emmeline, Lily, and Remus are out of the running already. They had too much faith in you. So it’s me, Sirius, and Dirk, really. And Evan.”

“How did Evan even find out about that?” Regulus asked.

“Oh, Sirius told him. After you two, y’know. Split. Is it a break-up if you weren’t ever really together in the first place?”

“No,” Regulus said. “Definitely not a break-up. We were both always very clear that it was – casual. He’ll marry some pretty noblewoman and go to the House of Lords and start ripping away basic human rights soon enough.”

Isaac snorted. “Sounds about right.”

“Isaac, why don’t you go back to your own room and shower and put on some clean clothes and… drink some coffee, or something?” Max suggested.

Isaac heaved a sigh and stood up. “Fine. I can see that you two want some alone time. I’ll tell you about last night later, then.” He left, and Max heaved a sigh of relief.

“You know he has a problem, right?” Max asked, settling in against Regulus’s chest rather than make any move to get up.

Regulus felt his heartbeat quicken. He carded his fingers through Max’s hair. “I know,” he said, “but he won’t listen to us.”

“Do his parents know, d’you think? Could that be it?”

“Dunno,” Regulus said. “I mean, I certainly… did some self-destructive things while I was… closeted, and even a while after…”

“You can just say  _ Evan Rosier, _ Reg.”

“It was more than just Evan,” Regulus said. “That was a big part of it, but you don’t – don’t you remember that fight I got into with Barty Crouch?”

“Crouch had it coming.”

“Yes, but I’ve never been a violent person. And I didn’t – I didn’t sleep, a lot, either. Slagged off schoolwork as much as I could. If I’d had ready access to alcohol, who’s to say I wouldn’t have drank, too?”

Max hummed. “I always wanted to ask…”

“Yeah?”

“You haven’t got to answer if you don’t want to, of course. But… with everything you were dealing with – when you actually  _ shagged _ a bloke…”

“What, did I feel crushing guilt?” Regulus guessed. Max nodded. “No,” Regulus said. “Not with Dirk, anyway. Evan and I never properly  _ shagged_, but everything we  _ did _ do made me feel terribly guilty. But by the time Dirk and I – I’d been in therapy. It helped.”

“I’m sort of – I’m a bit paranoid that… that might happen to me.”

“I don’t think it will,” Regulus said. “You’ve never had half the issues Isaac or I have had – me, especially – and you’ve… always been comfortable in your sexuality.”

“Would you want to?” Max asked, and Regulus was certain he’d misheard.

“Would I want to what?” he asked.

“Shag me,” Max said. “I know Isaac was joking, but you’re – you’re my best friend, and I trust you more than anyone, and if… I mean, okay, this is stupid, and possibly, like, potentially friendship-ruining, but it’s not as if I haven’t  _ thought _ about it. With you, specifically, I mean.”

It seemed, to Regulus, like a horrible idea. He was in love with Max, and while it was true he’d managed to fool around with Evan Rosier without actually catching feelings, this was… different. This was a world of difference. He didn’t think he could take it – not without strings attached.

“I, er, I don’t know if that’s a good idea,” Regulus said.

“Is this more Virgo bullshit?” Max asked.

“Virgo bullshit?” Regulus repeated.

“You’re overthinking. I can tell. It’s typical Virgo bullshit.”

“Is believing in the Zodiac typical Gemini bullshit?” Regulus asked.

Max laughed. “See? Totally a Virgo.” He shifted a little closer – which meant that he was nearly on top of Regulus. “If you don’t want to shag me, that’s fine. It’s not like I’m at risk for shagging some rando from a club at this point in my life. I just thought – it’d be nice with you.”

It would be absolutely fucking wonderful – until it was over, and they still weren’t  _ together_, and Max didn’t love him like he loved him. The thought, however brief, cut deep. Max  _ didn’t _ love him like he loved him. They were best friends, of course, and Regulus wouldn’t trade it for the world, but Max didn’t  _ really _ want more. Not with him.

“Reg,” Max said gently. “You okay?” 

“I’m fine,” Regulus said, but he knew he wasn’t convincing.

“I’ll drop it,” Max said. “It was just an idea.”

But it wasn’t just an idea! “It’s not as if I haven’t – haven’t considered it,” Regulus said. “But it wouldn’t…” He took a deep breath. “It wouldn’t be a good idea. You – you know me. I get attached.”

Max snorted. “That’s sort of the point, isn’t it?” he asked.

“What d’you mean, that’s the point?”

Max didn’t respond immediately, which just led the anxiety in Regulus’s gut to swell. When was the last time he’d taken his medication? Would it seem suspicious if he got up to take it now?

“Reg,” Max said after a few minutes, “You know I love you.”

“I know,” Regulus said, but it wasn’t the same. “I love you, too.”

“We’d be perfect for each other, I think,” Max said quietly. “And I think – in every way, too.”

“I, er, what?” Regulus asked. Surely he was mishearing, or misunderstanding, or misinterpreting.

Max didn’t look up at him, but he did ball his fist in Regulus’s t-shirt. “I’m… I wouldn’t… I know this might… fuck everything up,” he said. “And I’m sorry. I really am. But something about – Isaac joking about you shagging him – being shagged  _ by _ him, whatever. It… it made me jealous. And it’s not – not like I haven’t  _ known_, but…”

Regulus took a deep breath. “Known what?”

“Haven’t you ever wondered why I’ve never had a boyfriend?” Max asked.

Of course he had. Max was handsome and charming and clever and kind and absolutely wonderful. Anyone would be lucky to have him. Not that Regulus really thought that anyone else would appreciate Max like he would, but that wasn’t his call to make, and he knew that.

“I… suppose,” Regulus said.

“It’s not as if no one was interested,” Max said. “I got asked out all the time.”

Regulus frowned. “You did?”

“I always turned them down. Nicely, of course, but… I couldn’t do it. And it’s not – not like you couldn’t do it, or Isaac couldn’t do it. I’ve always known I was gay, always wanted a boyfriend, but…” Max heaved a sigh. “I couldn’t.”

“Why not?” Regulus asked.

“Do you… do you really not know? Reg, I’m laid up here with you, I’ve just asked you to shag me and when you said you’d catch feelings I told you that was the  _ point_, and you  _ really _ can’t think of why I’ve never had a boyfriend?”

Max’s words made sense on an individual level, but when Regulus tried to put them together… there was no sense to them at all.

“I guarantee you if you ask Isaac or Sirius or Emmeline or literally  _ anyone _ why I’ve never had a boyfriend, they’d get at the right answer immediately,” Max said. “I don’t understand why you’re… not. If you’re… trying to be nice by acting clueless, you  _ know  _ better than to think that’ll make me feel better.”

“I really don’t know,” Regulus said. “I promise, Max, you know I’d never upset you…” He was making a whole mess of this, and he didn’t even know how. “I really – I’ve no idea what you’re trying to get at. If I did, I promise, I’d tell you.”

“You were my first kiss, you know.”

“You were mine, too,” Regulus said. Was that what this was about? Did Max want to shag him just because they’d kissed before?

“Did you ever,” Max started, “think about…  _ dating _ me? You know… being boyfriends?”

Regulus felt at that very moment that Max could see right through him. How did he  _ know_? He’d tried as hard as he could to hide that. “I, er, it’s not like I ever thought  _ you _ would ever… you’re my best friend, and I… I needed to sort things out, anyway.”

“That’s not an answer, Reg,” Max said. “It’s a yes-or-no question, and I promise, whatever the answer… I’ll be fine.”

Regulus bit his lip. This was in the past. He wasn’t asking if Regulus were madly in love with him  _ now_. Just… if he’d  _ ever _ thought about dating him in the near decade they’d known each other. “Of course I did,” Regulus said, sounding much calmer than he felt.

“Why didn’t you ask?”

He could have said any number of things, all of them true – they were best friends, he hadn’t been ready for a relationship, who married the person they were with at fifteen, he’d been too afraid – but what he said was, “It’s not as if you’d have agreed. And I knew that.”

Max propped himself up to look Regulus in the eye then. He looked – really upset, like, nearly on the verge of tears. Shit, shit, shit. He’d fucked up.

“ _What_?” Max asked. “Reg, how could you ever, for even a second,  _ ever _ think that?”

Regulus shrugged. “I knew – who I was, and who you were. Who we  _ are_. You deserved so much better than a pathetic closet case.”

Max looked almost like he was going to slap him, then, but at the last second, he leaned in and planted a kiss on Regulus’s lips. “You absolute bloody  _ moron,”_ Max said.

What the fuck was going on? Regulus touched a finger to his lips. Max had just kissed him. What?

“What?”

“I have been,” Max said, pausing only to kiss him again, “ _ madly _ in love with you for  _ years, _ Reg. Years!”

“I…  _ what?” _

“It’s not as if I’ve ever been particularly subtle about it! I-I think I’ve constantly been hanging all over you since… well, since shortly after we met, really, and you didn’t think… me constantly touching you meant anything? That I’d have  _ ever _ turned you down?”

Regulus shrugged. “You’ve always been affectionate with everyone.”

Max laughed. “Not like I’ve been with you. Never like I’ve been with you. I’ve not held anyone else’s hand, spent hours resting my head on anyone else’s chest, spent entire afternoons using  _ anyone  _ else’s lap as a pillow, kissed anyone else on the cheek.”

Regulus’s head was swimming. Max  _ loved _ him, had always loved him – had always wanted to be with him. “I… I think I need a moment to process this,” Regulus said.

“Let me say first,” Max said, “that I am  _ still _ very much in love with you, and I would do  _ anything _ to be your boyfriend.”

Regulus took a deep breath. Max loved him. Loved him like Regulus loved him back. Max wanted to be with him – hadn’t dated anyone else because he’d been too in love with him. Max wanted to shag him (or, well, wanted Regulus to shag him, most likely, but that was just semantics). Max had kissed him. Twice. This felt like a dream.

“I’ve been in love with you since – since I was fourteen, at least,” Regulus said after a while. “And I’m still not convinced this isn’t a dream.”

“It’s not a dream,” Max said. “If it were – well, I think we’d both be more forthright, and then we’d probably shag. At least – that’s how those dreams always end for me.”

“You really… you  _ love _ me? Like… like I love you?”

“I think I was half in love with you from our first class together,” Max said, “when you stood up for me to Crouch. And then – I dunno, it just happened. Dunno  _ when _ exactly was the tipping point from ‘half in love’ to ‘completely head over heels’ but I’d reckon… somewhere around… my bar mitzvah, I think? Although the kiss was definitely what sealed it. Everything before that, I could explain away, but you actually taking the initiative to kiss me…”

“I really,” Regulus said, “ _really _ want to kiss you now. I know we’ve got – loads to discuss, and I definitely want to – let me say, unequivocally, that I want to be with you in whatever way you’ll have me.”

Max kissed Regulus’s cheek. “Boyfriends, then?”

_ Boyfriends_. It sounded so nice. Max Scamander was his  _ boyfriend. _ He was Max Scamander’s  _ boyfriend. _ “God, yes,” Regulus said. “Absolutely.”

Max grinned. “Well, if my  _ boyfriend _ wants me to snog him… who am I to argue? Although… perhaps we should brush our teeth first? And lock the door, so Isaac doesn’t come barging in.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Regulus said. Max loved him. They were boyfriends. This was, beyond any shadow of a doubt, the best holiday ever.

* * *

Max held tightly to Regulus’s hand and all but dragged him over to where Isaac was sitting at the kitchen table. “So,” he said in what Regulus assumed was meant to be a nonchalant tone. “Isaac.”

“Max.”

“Hypothetically, if Reg and I were to get together  _ today_, who would win?”

“What?”

“The bet,” Max said. “Who’d win the bet? You said Evan Rosier said never, so not him, and that leaves… you, Dirk, and Sirius. So who’d win?”

Isaac looked from Max to Regulus to their entwined hands. “Sirius,” he said. “Had until the end of summer. I had midway through uni, and Dirk had uni graduation.”

Regulus looked to Max and pulled a face. “What d’you think? Sirius or Isaac?”

“Who’s to say we haven’t been together for months? Who had the most recent time past?”

“Emmeline. By a month.”

Max grinned. “What a coincidence,” he said. “Reg and I have been together a month and a day.”

Isaac glared at them. “No, you haven’t. You, for one, not only wouldn’t be able to shut up about it, but you’d also have stopped sending me useless twink memes and whining about how pretty he is.”

Max winked. “Get ready to trade those useless twink memes for bottom memes.”

Isaac buried his face in his hands. “Reg, you can’t let him do that. I’ll forward them all to you.”

“I don’t presume to have any control over my boyfriend’s actions,” Regulus said, and how fucking great it felt to be able to call Max his  _ boyfriend _ to other people. Even if it was only Isaac.

“And I’ll have you know,” Max said, “that I  _ always _ intend to whine about how unjustly pretty Reg is. In fact…” He pulled his phone out of his pocket and pointed the camera at Regulus. “Here. I’m gonna post to Instagram and Twitter.”

“I’m  _ eating_,” Isaac said.

Max rolled his eyes. “C’mon, Reg.”

“Since this’ll be the first official social media post,” Regulus said, “just let me look over the comment before you post it.”

Max heaved a dramatic sigh. “Fine. Now look adorable – not that that’s any kind of struggle for you.”

* * *

maxscamander   
Liked by **lilyofthevalley** , **loupgarou** and **35** others  
**maxscamander** unbelievably lucky to have such a gorgeous boyfriend! #blessed #toocute #interfaithcoupleoftheyear  
**yitzhak.chayim** gr8 m8 really but can u 2 maybe stop snogging in front of me when im trying 2 eat? thnx  
**maxscamander** @yitzhak.chayim never. this is your life now.  
**pttroidelion** @yitzhak.chayim it’s called making up for lost time.  
**whysosirius** !!!!!!!  
**whysosirius** @pttroidelion CALL ME  
**whysosirius** @yitzhak.chayim AND PAY UP  View all 10 comments 10 July 2012

**Author's Note:**

> this fic is only related to _ô saisons, ô châteaux_ in that it borrows some of the characters.  
>  ships and events described in this fic (or this series) may or may not appear in that series.


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